Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i barfeds in our rink
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
