Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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