i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
