God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
