Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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