someone threw a dead crab at me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
