I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Randomize
