A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She told me I should be a condom model.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
