I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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