I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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