I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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