benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
