U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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