I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
