Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
