I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
