I wanna bring you to show and tell
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
