So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
