u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
