Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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