I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
