i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
