im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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