I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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