Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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