nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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