Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
