I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
