Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
