so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
