I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
