i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
