I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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