Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
