was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
