did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
