i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
