I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
