No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
