how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
