evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
