Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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