i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
