am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
