How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
