I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
