ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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