She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
