If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
