Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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