btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
